The Silence
by JeeSun
Summary: He doesn't like the silence. AlexAddison


**Title: **The Silence

**Author: **JeeSun

**Summary: **He doesn't like the silence.

**Pairing: **Alex/Addison

**Spoilers: **None

**Rating: **PG

**A/N: **I haven't written a fanfic in a couple of years now but Alex and Addison is my new fantasy pairing so here goes! By the way, it's not beta'd and english is not my first language. If you'd like to be my beta-reader in the future (if I write something more) please let me know.

He doesn't like the silence. The first thing he does when he comes home, is turning on the TV. It's been like that for so long he can't even remember when he started doing it. He can't imagine spending time in his apartment, alone, with no sound. When he's at home, the TV is always on even if he has company. He'd rather risk a fire than going to sleep without the familiar sounds and voices from the TV.

Addison sighs and looks tired. "Karev, look at me!"

Alex has his arms crossed over his chest. He knows he looks like a stubborn teenager but he's been around this too much to know it's not something to let go off that easy.

"Look at me!" Addison repeats, more angrily and louder this time. Alex finally gives in and looks at her. "It's not our decision to make whether he's a suitable parent. We call the social services and then it's up to them. And this time they didn't think anything was wrong." She continues with a softer tone. "We did everything we could, Karev."

Alex looks at her, with intense and upset eyes. "We can always do more, Addison."

He walks away from her and she is left in the hallway looking after him. It's the first time he's called her by first name.

He's thought about silence a lot. He knows why he can't stand it but he prefers not to think about it. Sometimes it sneaks up on him, though. When it does he has no place to run. Then, it's just there and he has to deal with it the best he can.

"Let me buy you a drink."

Alex raises his eyebrows and looks tiredly at Addison. "You want to buy me a drink? You, who hate me?"

Addison shrugs and slides on to the stool next to him by the bar counter. She waves at Joe. "Give us some of your finest drinks, Joe."

Alex plays with the glass in front of him. He can feel her glance at him but he doesn't want to look at her. He can't stand to see her pitying him. It's why he doesn't tell anyone about his childhood. He could never stand other people feeling sorry for him. He could take the shame and the embarrassment, but not the pitying.

"You feel sorry for me."

"I do?" Addison does her best to sound surprised. "Why? Do I have reason?"

For the first time, Alex turns to look at her. "No. But you do."

Maybe she managed so fool him earlier but the look in her eyes now tells him everything.

Lately, he hasn't been sleeping well. He never does when he has to face his own past in a patient. He's afraid to go to sleep because he knows that when he does he'll face another nightmare. It's always the same. It's the nightmare he actually lived for so many years. He's that small kid again who does everything he can to save his mother from being beaten by his own father. And he can hear his mother screaming at him to go to his bedroom. But he never does, not until his mother is laying unconcious on the kitchen floor. Then he looks up at his father and knows that he's next. But then it's already too late too run off to his bedroom.

He's not sure how they ended up in his bed together. He's not sure if it was after the fourth or fifth drink that he felt Addison soothingly putting a hand on his thigh. And he's not sure who kissed who first in the cab on the way to his apartment. But none of that matters anymore.

Her head is resting on his chest and he's stroking her hair with one hand and holding her hand in a tight grip with the other.

"You okay?" She asks quietly and looks up at him.

He nods and glances at the TV. It's on. He remember putting it on when they entered his apartment, their bodies pressed hard against each other's and their lips and hands being everywhere. Still, though, somehow he found time to turn on the TV, He saw the puzzled look in her eyes and then how she didn't care and kissed him again.

"You want me to leave?"

Alex shakes his head. "No."

After a few minutes he can hear her breathing getting heavier. He looks at her. He doesn't know what this is or what it means. But she didn't mind the TV and right now that's all that matters to him.

There's one day that Alex remembers more than any other in his life. He can tell the exact date and time when his mother came home looking pale as a ghost. His father had been in a car accident and died immediately. After a while, his mother started to cry. Alex didn't. All he felt was relief. He wanted to thank the man who had smacked in to his father's car.

He didn't go to his father's funeral. His mother did his best to try to convince him by saying he'd regret it later. To this day, fifteen years later, he hasn't regretted it. Her mother never forgave him, though. She could forgive her husband for making her life a living hell, but never her son for missing his father's funeral. During Alex's entire life that has been the thing that has hurt him the most.

When he meets Addison in the hallway the next day he suddenly feels embarrassed. The morning went fine. He even made her breakfast while she was in the shower. But now he feels embarrased. He's a shamed for letting his guard down last night and for showing this woman who he's secretly fantasized about the last months, how weak he really is.

"How are you?" Addison says softly with a slight smile.

"I'm fine," Alex mumbles.

"You look tired," she says worriedly.

Alex shrugs and she grabs his arm. She leads him to one of the on-call rooms and closes the door behind them.

"I'll clear the rest of your things for the next hours so you can sleep for a while," Addison says.

Alex sits down on one of the beds. He searches the room for a stereo, anything that make a sound.

"I'll wake you up in a couple of hours." Addison smiles softly at him.

"Wait!" Alex says when he sees her push down the door handle. "What are you doing now?"

Addison shrugs. "Um, I have nothing schedueled but..."

Alex nervously looks away. "Would you mind staying here with me?"

She's quiet for a few seconds. "No, not at all. It's just that..."

Alex sighs. "Not for that. Could you just stay here with me while I go to sleep?" He fidgetes with his hands before looking at her again. "Maybe talk to me?"

Addison walks towards him and sits down next to him on the bed. She takes his hand in hers. "Yeah, of course I can."

He deals better with silence now. It's been a while since he had the TV on at night. He doesn't need it as long as he can hear Addison's even breathtakes on his side.


End file.
